The only reason I decided to go to Exxxotica in the first place was because I was supposed to shoot with an independent producer, whom I’ve worked with before in DC.  He booked my flight out and was going to book my flight back from New York, and he was possibly going to get me another shoot while I was out there.  And then we were going to drive up to New Jersey together.

A few days before I was intended to leave, I texted him, asking if he booked my flight back to the West coast.  He knew I wanted to go to NYC following the expo, and I told him which day I was thinking of returning a couple weeks before, but I never heard anything back form him about it.  He failed to book my flight back, and he also told me he had not gotten me that other shoot.  He then said he would have to change my flight to go to NJ instead of DC because of some stuff happened and he would not be able to shoot with me before Exxxotica.

Originally, he offered to have me stay with him and another model for the expo, but when he mentioned another model for one of the nights would be possibly staying with us three, I decided to get my own room. Too many people.  I like my own space.

Well, there was some drama on his end, and he never ended up coming to NJ for Exxxotica, so it was a good thing, I booked my own room.

Since my flight departed at 7:25 AM from Vegas, I didn’t eat anything the entire trip.  After I checked into my hotel in Edison, I looked online on Yelp for some takeout.  Then came my fiasco of receiving Kung Pao Chicken when I ordered Kung Pao Shrimp, and the woman debating with me over the phone that it was definitely chicken.  Oh, and my single soy sauce packet that I had.

Friday evening, I arrived at the Galaxy Booth.  James, Sadie Pop, and Lucky Starr were there.  James asked me if I had a banner to display; I did not because he did not tell me to bring one.  Obviously, had I known, I would have had one made.  A few weeks before, James and I discussed on the phone, his picking up some of my DVDs to sell at the Expo.  Of course, when I got there, he asked me if I had DVDs to sell, of course, I did not.

Soon after I arrived, James took the other ladies to attend a seminar, so I was there at the booth by myself.  Right before they came back, Tia, Liv, and Misty arrived.  When James and the others returned from the seminar, I was then instructed to sign at The Love Library.  It was an adult store that had a huge space to sell their products, and they were getting a lot of traffic.  But two of the other Galaxy girls were at a table signing there.  The owner of the store thought James was only having two of us sign, not three.  So they packed some boxes on top of each other, put a tablecloth over it, gave me a stool to sit on, luckily, and had me sit there.  Since I didn’t have a banner, and only had my archival pigmented prints to sell, I looked extremely out of place.  Half a dozen people just asked me about sex toys while I sat there the rest of the night.

I was in no hurry to get to Exxxotica the next day.  If I was going to be stuck at the same makeshift table, why should I hurry to get there, was my thinking.

James texted me a little after noon, and then called me.  I told him I wouldn’t be ready until closer to 4:00 PM, I didn’t end up getting there until after 5:00 PM, but anyway, after telling James originally 4:00 PM, he said he wanted me to do a radio interview.  Then not even an hour later after getting off the phone with me, he sends me a text saying, “3:00 PM radio interview, confirm?”  I reply back, that I said I wasn’t going to be ready until 4:00 PM.  So he cancels the interview, or he got another girl to do it; I don’t know what happened with that.

I arrive that day and I mentioned to James while I was on the phone with him earlier, that people were just asking me about the sex toys at The Love Library, the evening before.  I was allowed to stay at the Galaxy Booth table, and I had a better day sitting there.  And a very kind fan showed up that day to give me some items off my Wish List and a bonus gift of a ‘Hello Kitty Hedgehog.’  I informed him that the one video game I played was “Sonic the Hedgehog 2” since I was a Genesis girl.  He did not know that, so his gift was even more special.  His kindness really cheered me up and his friend took a foot fetish video of my feet, so I made some quick cash I did not expect to make.

At the end of the night, I debated going to the after party.  I was hungry, so I made my way to the bar downstairs and it was fifteen minutes before the kitchen closed, but I just wanted a Caesar salad with shrimp, so they made it quick and I had a glass of white wine to go with it.

Two older ladies were sitting at the corner of the bar.  They were drinking a bottle of the red wine.  And the other people who were there, were from Exxxotica, but I didn’t know any of them, and found out later, most of them were cam models.

The one guy and girl were talking about the other party and how it was just at the hotel.  I said to them, they weren’t making me feel bad about not going.  I didn’t really want to go over there.  I would have had to order an Uber to and from, and I wondered how great would the party really be.

After finishing my salad, they invited me to come hang out on their side of the bar, after a few more sentences were exchanged with each other.  I discovered that Justin, does video production for MFC, and the woman, Aspen Edwards, cams.  We strike up conversations with the bartender.  She was paid to stay until 2:00 AM for the wedding party, some of whom I encountered when I was leaving the hotel on my way to Exxxotica earlier that day.  But none of us are from the wedding party, and it was already past 11:00 PM.  We found out that the older ladies at the one corner,  were drinking after escaping from a family function.  We understood their reasoning to drink and tried to get them to do shots, but they did have at least a bottle and a half of wine over the course of the night.

Some of the other people decided to go to the after party.  And then another gentleman, oblivious to the fact that Exxxotica was going on, sat down next me.  He was a baseball scout.  We quickly informed him what was going on, and who everyone was at the bar.  Justin ordered some food from Uber Eats, most of which was all brown fried food, I did take a few bites of a pretzel and ate a mac & cheese bite.  Shortly after the food arrived, the wedding party started coming in.  They were mostly my age, so they definitely were drinking.  The bartender quickly went from leisurely making a few of us drinks, to popping bottles and pouring liquor for more than forty people, maybe even closer to fifty.

Justin ordered a lot of food.  After he ate what he wanted, and Aspen and I picked at it, he decided to offer it to the wedding party.  Needless to say, their drunken selves ate everything.

We drank until the bartender closed down her bar.  I helped picked up some glasses at a back table while she was busy serving the wedding party.  The other people who were around the bar area earlier, who went to the other party came back and asked if the bar was still open.  Justin, the baseball scout, the two older ladies, and I decided to call it a night, so no one else walking in would think the bar was still open because we were sitting there.

The last day of Exxxotica, I didn’t get there until closer to 4:30 PM.  I had a feeling it wouldn’t be too busy because it was the last day and it was Sunday, and figured most people were at home watching football.  I actually arrived there around 4:15, but I noticed I didn’t have my pass, and before the shuttle could drive away, I told the driver I needed to go back.

It was pretty dead on Sunday and most people started packing up around 5:00, 5:30.  I didn’t feel too bad though, Misty had only gotten there just fifteen minutes before me.

While at the booth, Misty mentioned going into Manhattan.  She and James invited me to go with them, and I decided it would be a fun night out with a few people.

I took an Uber to where James, Misty, and Loni were staying.  Loni offered me a drink of tequila and orange juice.  Misty finished up getting ready and had me break up some weed for a blunt to take with us.  I know how professional a smoker Misty is, and I was pretty proud of myself that I was just shy of enough weed she needed to roll up.  Soon Ralph arrived, and we were on our way to Manhattan.

Yes, we did the tourist thing and walked around Times Square and took selfies and photos.  It was Misty, James, Loni, Ralph, and myself.  We decided to have a drink at Junior’s while we waited to go downtown to Nyomi Banks’s party at Haus.  And James ordered some bomb ass NY style cheesecake with strawberry sauce, which was better than an orgy in my mouth.

We finished up our drinks and decided to head to the club.  Loni and Misty were wearing sweater dresses and quickly regretted that decision.  I was wearing jeans and a sweater, definitely not club attire, but I knew we were going to be walking around in the city and didn’t want to wear something too heavy and not comfortable.  But I did feel out of place because the other ladies that were there were in club dresses.

I was kindly given some Grey Goose and cranberry and watched Misty dance and grind her ass off, while Loni and I took hits from her vape pen.  Some time later, Misty and James went outside to smoke a cigarette.  Loni and I decided to go out to find them after we were kicked out of the area we were sitting at because another bottle reservation was supposed to be there.

Loni and I found James in the designated smoking area that was gated outside one of the exit doors.  We chatted outside and James mentioned finding Misty and Ralph to head back to Edison.  While we were outside, a man was getting kicked out of the club, out of the exit where we were standing.  The one bouncer had to go to get the guy’s jacket, and the three of us were standing in semi-circle, when Loni picked up a phone call from her friend.  The guy intrudes into our semi-circle, leaning his arms over the gate to ask for a cigarette from one of us.

I quickly tell him, “No, sorry,” because I want him to move along.  He lingers and asks again.  I say, no, a second time, and add, “Dude, could you back up a little?”

“What?” he angrily snaps back.

“You’re kinda in our space here, and you see that this girl is on the phone who is trying to talk to her friend… and we don’t have a cigarette for you.”

“Who the fuck are you?  …You are nothing.”

“Okay, dude.”

“You’re nothing.”

I turn my back and roll my eyes at James.  The bouncer arrives back with the guy’s jacket and he moves back, but he keeps yelling at me.

“You are nothing.  …I went to Columbia.  What the fuck do you do?  …You do nothing.”

“Okay, dude, right.”

“You don’t ever talk to a black man that way.  …You are nothing.”

Finally, I snap, “You need to learn a fucking lesson.”  My dominant side comes out and I quickly want to shove him to the ground, my heel at this throat, and make him submit to me.

James ushers me inside, and I say again at the asshole who keeps repeating I am nothing, that someone needs to teach him a lesson.

I go back inside, have another drink, do a shot with Loni while James tries to find Misty, and then we all head out.  While I sip on the third drink, I realize someone saying, “I am nothing,” are trigger words for me.  I don’t think much of myself, and in the very dark moments I repeatedly tell myself, I am nothing.  It is a reflection I perceived at an early age from my mother and what she thought of me.  When you think you’re trash, you grow up feeling like you are disposable.

Oh, the woman DJ, was really good.  I told her so after she wrapped up her session.  She told me her name, but I couldn’t really hear her too well.  I asked the guys who were DJing after her, but they didn’t know who she was.  And the guy DJ after her, was not as good.  I don’t like the DJs who yell into the microphone. I know they’re trying to get the crowd going, but most of the time you can’t hear what they’re spitting into the microphone, and it just interrupts the flow the music.  I asked the bartender, he didn’t know the woman’s name either, but he asked someone he thought might know, and luckily he did, so I had him find her on my phone on Instagram.  (Her name on Instagram is @msbluntler).

Loni desperately wants some pizza before we get back to Edison.  She’s been wanting a slice since we arrived in Manhattan, and James and Ralph had initially walked into a Sbarro’s back when we were in Times Square, which was just all kinds of wrong when you’re in New York.

But we found a place that was open as we drove a little uptown.  I got a slice of white and we devoured our slices rather quickly.

Misty yells to the buildings and cars in Manhattan.  A taxi driver beeps at her as James tries to shuffle her along the crosswalk to the car.  She screams, “Fuck you!” to the driver, and in typical New York fashion, we move right along our way and head back to New Jersey.

Ralph kindly drops me off at my hotel and I ask the gentleman at the desk if I can push back my check out to 1:30 PM.

It was 5:00 AM when I last looked at my phone before passing out.  I set three alarms:  11:00, 11:15, and 11:30.  I figured if I got six hours of solid sleep, I wouldn’t be too exhausted the next day and I decided to leave my eye makeup on, because I knew I had to get ready for an appointment the next day, and I didn’t want to spend all that time again doing it.

Alarm went off at 11:00.  I hit the snooze, then I get a text from Misty at 11:08, wishing me a good morning.  I replied back, “Perfect, my alarm just went off.”  I got up, started packing my bags, fixed my makeup, and then coordinated with Misty to head to her hotel so we could all take an Uber into Manhattan.

Loni was still asleep when I got over to their hotel around 2:00 PM.  We didn’t end up leaving Edison to go to Manhattan until 4:00 PM.  Misty informed me that she went back to sleep after she texted me at 11:00.  I thought, thank goodness, my makeup is complete.

Misty needed to get tested before her shoot in a couple days.  Of course the testing place was up on the East side, in the upper 50’s.  She called them to ask when they were closing and they said 5:00 PM. My hotel was on the East side, but in the higher 20’s, so the plan was to drop me off, and for them to head uptown.  But since we left Edison so late, I decided we should head to the testing place first, and also so that Misty and Loni wouldn’t have to drag all their luggage to the testing place.  My last kindness to Misty was paying for her test with my debit card because all she had was cash and we definitely did not have time for her to figure out how to pay through her credit union.

I told my client we were running behind while on our way to Manhattan, and a short text explaining the dilemma.  I was originally supposed to meet him at 6:00 for our dinner date, but he kindly pushed it back to 6:30.

Misty called the testing place and said we were going to be late and that she needed to get tested that evening.  The Uber’s navigation said we were going to pull-up at 5:04.  I think we pulled up at 5:07.  There was of course a bunch of traffic in the city, and there were a couple busses in front of us, so I told Misty to jump out, figuring it would be faster for her to walk and find the door, then waiting for the busses to pull out of our way.  She later told me she had to get on the phone with them because she couldn’t find the door because it was around the corner.  But everything worked out, and I quickly got upstairs to change for my date, while Loni turned on the TV to wait for Misty.

I wore a dress that I had not worn since last winter.  It was warm enough that I didn’t really need a coat, certainly not my winter one that I had, and I was just going around the corner and a couple blocks.  Misty texted she was at the hotel, and I said goodbye to her and Loni, and dashed out of the hotel because I was already running a couple minutes behind. But I quickly realized that the dress rides up, and if I hadn’t keep pulling it back down, it would have been around my waist.  I did gain attention those couple of blocks to and from the restaurant.

I had a lovely dinner date with my repeat client, as I always do with him.  We met in San Francisco and he moved to New York back in July.  He definitely saved my ass back in October by seeing me twice, and once this tour.

After we were done, he asked when I would be returning to New York.  I told him that it might not be until late spring or early summer because I was going to attempt to take calculus again.  He’s well aware of my struggle with it, and I joked that I needed to plan for something else because sex robots would be putting me out of business soon.  I explained that IF I did my prerequisites and got into veterinary school right away, (that’s a really big IF because I am well aware I might not get accepted immediately) that I would be graduating when I was 40.  And if I want to specialize, which I probably do, I would be even older.

“But I don’t want to be continuing to be doing this when I’m 40, this is fun, but I’m not intellectually challenged.”

I pause for a moment, “It’s either that or I kill myself.  Ya know, pull a Marilyn Monroe at age thirty-six.”

“Please don’t kill yourself,” he says.   “I will help you with calculus if you need it.”